Keep it simple. Keep it true.
Happy New Year from Manchester, TN
We’re at a hotel, halfway between Oklahoma and Florida. We just had a lovely dinner across the street at Shoney’s. I’ve made some resolutions. I’m not posting them, but I will post an e-mail I sent out in 2003 with resolutions I made back then. I have not lived up to most of them. Enjoy.
Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to
make some New Year’s resolutions, a practice I
normally shy away from because, well, quite frankly, I
never follow through and end up feeling like a failure.
But alas, it is almost a new year, and like the
Phoenix, (and no I’m not referring to the city in AZ
or the newspaper in Muskogee), I shall rise again. So
here goes…1. Quit smoking. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Hey
jabroni, you don’t smoke.” I’m aware of this, but I
need one that’s a sure thing. So, this is it, I will
quit smoking cold turkey. Of course I will NOT quit
eating cold smoked turkey. I mean come on, a man has to
have a vice or two, and the only other things I have
are alcohol, gambling, sexual depravity,
profanity…well, you get the point, and the point is
I WON’T give up cold smoked turkey, and I’m more than
a little offended that you asked it of me.2. I will write either ONE short story or THREE poems
every week.3. I will submit at least one work for publication
every week.4. This is where I was going to put “I will stop
making fun of people who are less intelligent than
me.”, but let’s face it, A.) it’s fun, and B.) if
they’re too stupid to know I’m making fun of them,
then they’re going to be too stupid to realize that
I’m NOT making fun of them, and it would just be a
waste of time and entertainment to stop.5. I will stop referring to Cortney as Corto Baggins,
or as a Hobbit in general, even though his
feet…okay, I’m stopping now, but I’m betting this is
the first one that gets broken.6. I will give up self-loathing on Tuesdays and
Thursdays. That’s two days out of the week where I
will put away the self pity, appreciate who I am, the
gifts and talents I possess and not dwell on the
shitty things that have been heaped onto my shoulders,
as if I were Septic Atlas bearing the Fecal Earth.7. And last but not least, I will find a way…
Oddly enough Chris now smokes, doesn’t write short stores or poems, hasn’t submitted anything since 2003, makes fun of people no matter what level of intelligence they have, has not called Cortney by name since this list was made, has made it a lifestyle to self loathing, and has not yet figured out where he is going. This is probably why we shouldn’t make lists.
