Keep it simple. Keep it true.
Lupus?
Remember that time I was gonna get married? And then it went to shit. And then six months later I met a completely amazing man. And I felt more for him in two months than I ever did for the ex-fiance in four years? But I didn’t know how to put it all into words. Or I did, but the feeling scared me, cause I never thought a SECOND man would fuck me over, but people are only human and they hurt other humans even when they say they won’t.
And so I felt all these things and they were on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t say them, cause it’s like I’d heard it all before, and I thought I knew before, but I had this doubt. And it was valid. And then more doubt. And this doubt kept me from saying all the things I wanted to. And I suspected that he had the same doubt. And so we skirted around it over and over. It was in our eyes and bones and fingertips. But we both just didn’t say it.
It was yesterday and today and last week and probably the week before that. The feelings aren’t going away, but getting stronger every time. And by not saying anything, we’re letting the past win, and my past doesn’t deserve to have that kind of control.
I am
so happy I can’t stop smiling.
It’s amazing how life gets better overnight.
It’s also amazing when you know YOU’RE the one who made the change happen. It’s a good feeling to have control over your own happiness. I think a lot of people don’t realize that.
Time to go shopping for ingredients for Pecan Maple Bacon Pancakes! I’m going to learn to cook extremely yummy things. Also, take up running, to combat the extremely yummy things.
happy and sad and back again
I officially got my demotion today. I was so excited I called Gerry (who I will be working with again!), but it took him a long time to call back and I started feeling sad about giving up my title. I dunno, I’ve been “store manager” for a while now. Now my name tag will read, “Assistant Manager.” But I’m gaining almost 40 hours a week back. That’s amazing. 40 hours a WEEK. That’s 120 hours a month. That’s 5 days.
Shit. I just did that math for the first time. Five days. What does one do with five extra days a month? Sixty extra days a year? I’m getting two months back this year. Fuck tax returns and bonuses, I’m getting time to watch movies and make friends and write that story I’ve been wanting to write forever. I’m getting time to fall in love and plan my future and play with my cats and eat chinese food and record all the blues songs I’ve been singing on my drive to and from work each day. I’m getting time to be me. Hello world, it’s me Elise. I’m back. We’re gonna have so much fun together. This year really is going to be better than the last.
The cougar behind me on my flight from Portland to LA, in the midst of shamelessly throwing herself at the marine seated beside her. (via kaseyanderson)
So she’s a paranoid schizophrenic from a dysfunctional family? I hope he got her number…
I totally have a better, most posted in blog at mewithouthim.tumblr.com
You should add that one if you want to follow me.
Happy Goes Sailing—“Goddammit Devin, Get Out of the Rain (Demo)”
Haven’t listened to this since we made it, but I do sing it in my head all day at work.
Tumblr is way more upset about my outdated browser than I am.
Jeff Tweedy on the August cover of SpinI need to start dressing like this.
He looks so old.
I don’t understand how people don’t see through the “Someone called me pretty for the 4th time today”/”I’m always naked”/”I had to turn down ANOTHER date”/”why is everyone so jealous of me?”…. Tumblrs.
I guess there is some middle school in all of us
Someone DID call me pretty!
someone called me pretty today, too! It was a creepy old man who smelled bad, but damn it, he thought I was pretty!
